one more day

Sometimes I have to just sit and wonder exactly what the hell is going on. Try to figure out where I went wrong and if there is anyway I can fix all this shit. "The best laid plans of mice and men." Story of my life, plans that never work out and the mice and men who are never quite what you hope for and dont exactly work into your plans just how they should. No matter what you try and do, nothing will turn out how its supposed to. Looking for a job sucks ass. Especially when you know that you can get and do almost any of these jobs that you apply for, and lots more that you dont. But you also know that doing them really isnt what you want to do, and that if you could find the job you really and truly want to do, that it is going to be the one that pays 20,000 a year and you wont be able to afford to finish the rest of your plans. There are lots of things I would love to do with my life, and a few that I will do no matter what. I want to have a few kids running around, with a nice house and more than that I really want a loving and caring wife to help me take care of it all. But as I said, no matter what I try and do, no matter what I think should happen or what I work towards and try to make happen, it just goes the complete opposite direction. So its just take it one day at a time. Try to make it through, try to see if you cant get a little bit of something to work and be stable in your life. Cause we all know that only a little stability will go a long way towards getting everything back on track. And once we get everything moving forward at least, then maybe we could direct it a little bit and try to get something that we want or would like to happen to actually happen. Who knows, its all a mystery to me. So yeah there is a crappy job out there for me, and one I probably wont like, but will do for a while till I can find something better. But more than that I know there is a person out there who is the one I need to be with. The one person who will be a part of my life and show me what truly matters. Yeah I want a real relationship, I mean lets face it I am not getting any younger here, but it has to be real. I am willing to go slow and take a few years or so to make sure that its something we both want and is right for us. But I have to know that its not only something you are willing to try with, but something that you are going to work at all out like I am. This is important to me, so I have to know you are in it like I am. I know there is a past, we all have them, but Like I have said, its only the fututre that matters. But I do want to be sure that you are ready to let the past go, to let all of the people from both our pasts stay there and not worry about them, to only work towards our future together. I want to know that nothing will happen like last time, and that there is no one else who is going to get a chance. So if you still want to try with others, or find someone new, or just go out all the time and do what you do; then you have to tell me. I am getting ready to go at this all out, and I know that I can be with only forever, and that no matter what happened before only the future matters. So I just want you to know, no one else matters to me, and I will never be with anyone else if I know that I can be with you. Like you have said, about me at one time, you really dont notice other guys, and I really dont (notice girls, I still always check out the guys) But I have to know that you feel the same about me, and that this is going to be for real, cause I really need something stable now, and forever and I hope that I can start with you. So until next time, peace and as always I love you goofball, and tell punkin daddy says Hi and I love him too. Keep him safe and be sure to hug and kiss him when ever you can, and remember that I will always love you and cherish every moment we had together and look forward to spending countless more together.